Monday, June 23, 2025

Outlier: How I Survived Life as a Teenage Outsider

Reborn: The 16 Year Old that Finally Ended the Bullying

[This month I celebrate my 76th year on this planet. And no, I no longer look like that kid above who's sitting on the hood of his 1960 Ford Falcon. Recently I discovered the essay below in a long-forgotten Google Keep file. I honestly can't remember writing it. But it all rings true, so I must have. Please indulge an old dude as he takes a bit of an introspective trip down memory lane.]

I woke up to the dark side of social networking in a 13-year-old body that was over 6 feet tall. Such a body, standing upright but only nominally coordinated, is a bully magnet.  Guy teens in local-school-branded shirts who know each other's moves and can damned near finish each other's sentences are all too happy to knock such a body over, sit on its chest and spit in its face. And the more 13-year-old girls who are around to witness the ignominious toppling of such a pubescent giant, then the noisier will be the bullies' cat calls and the more creative their insults. 

I remember one such event, lying there on the warm, tar-smelling back street of a PA oil refinery town. I was red-faced for lots of reasons and struggling to break free of my tormentors. I flashed on the last time I had had such a view of the cloud-crowded PA sky. It had been less than 20 miles away in a fallow, overgrown field near Amish country in late July, the tall, browning grass pushing up past my arms and legs and smelling like the hay bales it would soon become. I was blissfully alone, though my dog was somewhere nearby. I couldn't see him, but I could hear him rustling through the field, most likely chasing one of the many rabbits who regularly taunted him. It was slow-breeze peaceful and the greener weeds and timothy grass and moss that framed my head seemed to be breathing back at me with its own wet, oxygen-rich breath. Overhead, like a slow-motion kaleidoscope, the bright white, billowy clouds drifted around against a deep-blue sky and morphed into all sorts of evocative shapes that challenged my young imagination to label them as various people, places or things. 

At the edge of that field our single acre of lawn bristled bright green and short. It was a moat of sorts, surrounding my family's first own-it-through-payments house. It was a simple "pre-fab" model that had been put up in just a few days, fresh from the factory and delivered by trucks in several giant pieces. No more rent payments! Instead, my parents had their first mortgage. This place would be my home for all six grades of elementary school. It was the place where the bus stopped out front to pick us up for school and it was the place those same buses would discharge us at the end of the school day. And on that peaceful, empty acre of ground surrounded by neighbors' far-flung dairy cattle and hay fields, I seldom saw anyone other than my little nuclear family. So "normal," for me, meant alone, aside from the occasionally irritating little brothers or my almost-silent and always compliant best pal, my dog.

It was here that my consciousness came to life. Other than the limited time spent in the forced socialization of the public schools, I was free to wander the fields, climb trees and do whatever I wanted or just hang out in my little bedroom and read. 

Eventually, at the end of my elementary school, my dad was given a promotion and we moved to be closer to his work. Our new home was in a proper, two-story house on a small lot in that little oil refinery town. And the general area was a bit of a shock. Wandering its streets alone, I seemed to put off gravitational waves that pulled kids from porches and back yards. Singly and in small clusters they would come up and try to engage and ask questions and guess my height and weight. From the solitude of my bedroom window I could see them moving around the streets in clumps. They jabbered and jostled and tested each other's various strengths. I was perplexed that they seemed to spend so much time and energy maneuvering for position in unfathomable hierarchies. I couldn't figure out how the social ranking worked. And when it got too difficult to ponder, I just let it go. I would go for long bike rides, sometimes alone and sometimes with my dog. And this was all the company I needed.

Two years of life in this little burg meant many, many "hold him down and humiliate him" sessions. And I never did crack the social code. So when my dad was transferred far away, I was relieved. And I resolved that things would be different in our next small-town home. 
...................

My first confrontation in that new environment put me face to face with the toughest teen in town. He had no way of knowing that I had years of adolescent humiliation and rage built up. He wasn't deeply committed to a battle. He just figured he was going to push around the new guy. So that first confrontation ended with me exploding all over him and mopping up the floor of a local gas station with him. I never had another bully bother me in that community. 

I went on to be class president and lead singer in a rock band. Eventually, I earned my B.S. & M.S. degrees, co-founded a successful instructional design consultancy with my wife, wrote five books and traveled the world teaching and consulting on project management. In recent years, I've become involved in my local Indivisible group, working to bring about political changes that reflect my optimistic, left-leaning political values. 

So those moments of humiliation on the pavement in that smelly little refinery town in PA lit a fire in me. It was the fire of determination to take charge of my own fate and to change things for the better. And, as horrible as it was at the time, I'm now grateful I experienced it. 

Who says you can't start over? 

Friday, May 30, 2025

Santee Lakes are for the Birds

(Scroll down to see photos & skip the verbiage.)

For the past couple of months we have endured the banging and crashing and dust-making frenzy of our next door neighbor's complete remodel. I mean the place has been ripped down to the studs, the roof is gone and for eight hours a day all hell is breaking loose over there. And it's not the kind of noise you can adapt to easily: It's a bunch of pounding or sawing, followed by a brief (?) silence or a generator pulsing or someone dropping a stack of 2 x 6 lumber on a cement sub-floor. These are the kinds of noises that our lizard brains register as potential danger... sharp, loud and then mysteriously disappearing while the intervening silence itself becomes threatening by vaguely promising another surprise crash-bang soon to come.

So this is the nerve wracking auditory chaos which sent us on a quest for a peaceful retreat. Fortunately, we have a small RV trailer sitting in our driveway to serve as our escape pod. And -- lucky us! -- we found our retreat a little over a hundred miles away in Santee, CA, just outside San Diego. From their website
"Santee Lakes Recreation Preserve hosts over 700,000 visitors annually. The 190‐acre Park has seven beautiful recycled water lakes that are stocked with sport fish year-round.  Two million gallons of water each day is recycled at our Ray Stoyer Water Reclamation Facility north of Santee Lakes, and the water flows through Santee Lakes which creates a unique recreation area." 
Now I'm no fisherman. But I do like hanging out in places that have lots of critters to observe. And there are all sorts of birds to be seen there. According to their website: "Santee Lakes has approximately 230 different species of birds that either live here full-time or pass through to avoid the cold... [so] Santee Lakes is the perfect place to photograph, and enjoy birds of all kinds."  And photograph and enjoy them I did on my long, quiet, morning walks. Below are some of my photos. 















Thursday, April 24, 2025

Not all news is bad! Check out these 15 positive news sources.

Good news is out there. These sites serve it up daily!


Why We Need to Proactively Seek Good News

"Why does the media concentrate on the bad things in life, rather than the good? And what might this depressing slant say about us, the audience?  It isn't that these are the only things that happen. Perhaps journalists are drawn to reporting bad news because sudden disaster is more compelling than slow improvements. Or it could be that news gatherers believe that cynical reports of corrupt politicians or unfortunate events make for simpler stories. But another strong possibility is that we, the readers or viewers, have trained journalists to focus on these things."  - Psychology: Why bad news dominates the headline (from BBC)

"Humans exhibit this attraction to bad news thanks in large part to what is called the negativity bias...This bias helps humans scan their environment for potential dangers so they can learn how to avoid them, but this attraction to negativity can backfire if we allow it... The brain reacts to negative stimuli with a greater surge in electrical activity. It takes five positive experiences to counter one negative experience.  It’s for this reason, in part, that many people struggle with pessimism, anxiety, discouragement and other symptoms of depression. If you want to learn how to stay positive in a negative world you must expose yourself to as many positive experiences as you can while minimizing exposure to the negative... " - Why Bad News Grabs Our Attention

But if most media defaults to negative stories where can we find positive news? It can take a bit of effort, but once you find positive news sources that are updated daily you can bookmark them and return to them frequently to build up your immunity to the negative stuff. 

15 Positive News Sources

Here are some websites that aggregate good news stories. (Suggestion: Why not bookmark some of these so you can return to them whenever you need some positive energy? And check out any links from within the websites' articles to other potentially uplifting websites.)

  • Good News Network - "The website, with its archive of 21,000 positive news stories from around the globe, confirms what people already know—that good news itself is not in short supply; the broadcasting of it is." 
  • Positive News - "We report socially relevant and uplifting stories of progress – ranging from the global boom in renewable energy to cities that are solving homelessness – joining the dots between how people, communities and organisations are changing the world for the better."
  • Good Good Good - "Good Good Good has been highlighted by The New York Times, Mashable, The Washington Post, Miley Cyrus, and more... In an effort to help their audience feel more hopeful and do more good, Good Good Good’s team of journalists reports on positive news happening in the world and creates helpful resources about the most impactful ways to make a positive difference."
  • The Optimist Daily - "Our mission is to provide a daily dose of optimism in the form of solutions-focused, good news that you can enjoy and share with those you care for. The ultimate goal is to elevate, motivate, and reignite each individual’s innate reservoir of intelligent optimism as a way of catalyzing the evolution of human consciousness."
  • Upworthy - Upworthy is a media brand on a mission to share uplifting stories that foster positive connections — with the community, the world and our partners... Experiencing stories about good things happening in the world can shape how we perceive and interact with the people around us. We're proud to play a role in creating a world rooted in decency, love and compassion."
  • Goodable - "We use proprietary AI technology and science to create daily content feeds filled with wholesome, healthy programming that you'll love. It's the cure to doomscrolling that you deserve." (Note: The Goodable app is free to download but offers in-app purchases for Goodable Plus subscriptions.)
  • YES! Magazine - "Through rigorous reporting on the positive ways communities are responding to social problems and insightful commentary that sparks constructive discourse, YES! Media inspires people to build a more just, sustainable, and compassionate world."
  • Goodnet - "Goodnet connects people around the world with opportunities for doing good - it’s that simple. ... our writers and editors have eyes and ears across the world of good doing - from volunteering, charity work, microfunding and creativity to green tech, water conservation, collaborative consumption and mindful living."
  • The Happy Broadcast - "Over the years, we have explored ways to bring positivity and better mental health to our community. We do this mainly by illustrating positive news stories to try and counteract all the negativity in todays news cycles. We have also, however, spent considerable time and resources experimenting with tools that can help improve happiness."
  • Only Good News Daily - "In today's world it's almost impossible to avoid being bombarded with bad news. Obviously, you have to tune into it occasionally to keep up to date with the reality of daily life around you, but why not give yourself a break? And ensure you enjoy a healthy daily dose of good news. Only Good News Daily is designed to lighten your day, refresh your enthusiasm for life, make you smile, and enhance your general well being."  
  • The 89 Percent Project - Ever get the feeling that nearly everyone's given up on trying to win the battle against climate change? The 89 Percent Project tells us that "Between 80 and 89% of the world’s people want their governments to be doing more to address climate change." And its website presents good news stories of those who are fighting (and winning battles) on behalf of Mother Earth. 
  • Major Network Good News Sources: -- Most of the time it feels like the major commercial networks are unable to bring us anything but doom, gloom and "watch out!!!" stories. However, if you look for it, they do provide some good news exceptions: